Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
