I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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