I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
