I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
