im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
