So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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