So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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