Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
