You're so nebulous sometimes
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
