quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
