i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
