There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
