Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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