I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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