im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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