u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
