tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
