Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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