I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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