First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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