What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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