There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
