why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
