I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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