im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
