you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
