it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
