somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
