my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Buhtt sex?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dignity is for republicans.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize