Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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