whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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