but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
