Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
