Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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