Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
