I hate all girls vehemently.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
