Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
