ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
