we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
