Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
