you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
