I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
