just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
