The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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