Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so that wasnt chicken after all
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
