Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
