yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize