You work out of a Hotel?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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