even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
