I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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