He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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