i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
