dude i'm inner monologue high
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
