i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
