Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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