i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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