so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
