Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
