dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The air was thick with penises
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
