i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
