I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
