Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
