just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
