wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
